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can you go over my sway please
sorry, but not if it's a done deal
Upon getting a BFP (Big Fat Positive on a pregnancy test) people often panic. They start thinking of everything in their sways that was less than optimal, start dwelling on things that they did or didn’t do, start obsessing over every i that wasn’t dotted and t that wasn’t crossed. They often reach out to me on Gender Dreaming, where I’ve answered over 100,000 questions on methods of Natural Gender Selection since 2010, and ask that I go over their sway and tell them if it worked, what they did “right” and “wrong” and “what their odds are”.
Yes, I've answered a lot of questions on Gender Dreaming since 2010, but I still don't know what the gender of your baby is! I have to wait for the NIPT and ultrasound just like you do!
I’m sorry, but I simply don’t go over sways that have ended in conception. I cannot tell you what the gender of your baby is. That's just beyond my ability to know. Sometimes people get opposites even with great sways and have success even with sways where things were less than ideal. My crystal ball is in the shop this week, we’re waiting on parts, and predicting the future is not the best use of any of our time.
People believe that if only I can sign off on their sway, they’ll no longer feel anxious, and so they want the “atomic seal of approval”- they think they’ll be able to relax and enjoy their pregnancy if only they get it. But everyone puts WAY too much importance on my opinion. If I don’t like something in their sway, they’ll be convinced they’re having an opposite, and if I do, they’ll take it as a guarantee.
Both of these scenarios are emotionally upsetting. When sways don’t go according to plan, people spend months convinced they’re having an opposite, even sometimes contemplating termination for a baby whose gender is not yet known. And far too many people are still allowing themselves to be convinced that swaying is a guarantee. It isn’t. No one, even with the very best sway, has a guarantee with swaying. Gender swaying ups your chances, but it is not a sure thing. It is a recipe for severe gender disappointment to let yourself become convinced, be it by symptoms or other people’s opinions or the Chinese Gender Calendar or whatever, that you’re having a baby of a particular gender. You may end up blindsided, far more upset than you would have been if you would have kept reminding yourself it could go either way.
I don't like saying anything that could contribute to false hope or false despair. Please go into EVERY sway understanding that it is possible to get a boy or a girl with the best sways, or the worst! No one has a promise of success, or a guarantee of failure.
Plus, it only INCREASES people's anxiety, because even when I say "yes you had a great sway" people will come back with 70000 other things they think of for me to check. No one has ever had their anxiety relieved by me going over their sway with a fine tooth comb because there are always many many other things that people start worrying about. If I approve the time you ate pizza and a cupcake at your kids’ pizza party at school, you’ll start thinking about all the other times you cheated. You’ll start wondering about your timing, if maybe you really SHOULD have taken cranberry, about ions and moon phases and all sorts of silly things. There are no benefits to be had, it only feeds the worry because then people want that “atomic seal of approval” on everything, no matter how small or meaningless.
The only sways I want to go over are ones that are being planned, or are ongoing. Those things can be improved, so there is a point to me going over them. If you’re already pregnant, there is nothing we can change, and so it’s an exercise in futility.
And so, I'll just offer my congratulations again on your conception and keep my fingers crossed for the outcome you're hoping for with gender, and offer my prayers for a healthy pregnancy above all else!
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